My photo-a-day challenge for 2013 was dealt a hard blow today. I woke up very ill. I am still not certain what is effecting me. No one else in the house is sick and we all have been eating the same things making it unlikely to be food poisoning from anything in the last day or so.
Every embarrassing thing that could befall one when sick seems to have happened to me today. I will not go into detail. I will however mention that I don’t think I have ever been this sick.
Just when I thought it could not get worse, I was hit with a fibromyalgia flare up. It hit my lower spine and right hip and right leg making it near impossible to walk and causing much sobbing. When one must get to the bathroom fast, but then can’t walk as the pain is exploding, it is bad, very very bad.
It got me to thinking about how I might manage if my husband deploys next year. I can hardly walk some days, some times I absolutely can not move parts of my body. It can be so scary. It makes me think that this kind of pain has to be what pain is like for deadly things like cancer. How can this pain not be deadly? I had a high pain tolerance. I don’t say this lightly, I enjoy natural child birth and thus my last two babies where born at home with no medications and with midwives. I am not saying child birth is not painful but there is a point to it, a powerful and amazing point.
There is no point to this pain, one never knows how long it will last or how bad it will get. I am finding it frightening to think of living with this pain for so many more years, and worse, what if the pain gets worse. How is it even possible for it to get worse?
No pills seem to help the fibro and sick meds have not really helped my belly flu today either. The flu will pass though, it must. The fibro….
I wish I could use the TENS machine but I worry that because it causes mussel movement that putting it on my lower back will upset my sides even more and I really need more control, not less about now with this belly sickness. I just can’t seem to win today.
Bright Side: No one else in the house is sick. I am so so thankful. I am worried they will get sick though, very worried and I wish this not on my worst enemy. I am also blessed that my husband is home today, that it is a weekend. I would be lost without him today. He is just so amazing. I am going to be so upset with myself though if he ends up sick because he has been helping me.
I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time lately. Sending love and light!