Introduction
I am not an expert on any of this. I do though have experience and wanted to share one of the things I wish I knew before and I wish others knew now.
Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), previously known as multiple personality disorder, is a complex and often misunderstood mental health condition. It is characterized by the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states within an individual. Living with DID can present numerous challenges for both the person with the disorder and those around them. One aspect that requires special consideration is the issue of decision-making. In this blog post, we will explore why asking someone with DID to make choices can be unfair to both parties involved. People with CPTSD are specially vulnerable to this condition.
- The Nature of Dissociative Identity Disorder
DID stems from a history of severe trauma, often experienced during childhood. It is a coping mechanism that allows individuals to compartmentalize their experiences and emotions. Each personality state, or alter, may have distinct characteristics, memories, and preferences. These alters can emerge and take control of the person’s behavior and thoughts, leading to a fragmented sense of self. They might not even know they have it. One key thing is if they can admit to themselves that they are losing time and lack memories they know they should have.
- The Complexity of Choice-Making for Individuals with DID
Decision-making can be particularly challenging for someone with DID due to the presence of alters. Each alter may have different desires, opinions, and priorities. Asking the person with DID to make choices assumes that there is a unified and coherent decision-making process, which may not be the case. For example, one alter may prefer a particular activity while another alter may strongly dislike it. This internal conflict can cause distress and confusion. Add to this that they might not have clearly distinct alters so knowing what they want and need and can give can be further difficult.
- Impact on the Person with DID
When someone with DID is asked to make choices, it can exacerbate their internal struggles. The alters may become triggered or agitated, leading to increased dissociation or even switches between alters. Being forced to choose can intensify feelings of instability and internal conflict, making it difficult for the person to maintain a sense of self and emotional well-being. Consequently, asking for choices can add unnecessary stress and hinder their healing process.
- The Burden on Relationships
Asking someone with DID to make choices also places a burden on relationships with friends, family, or partners. It can inadvertently create an expectation of consistency and coherence in the person’s decision-making abilities. When alters have conflicting preferences, the person with DID may feel pressured to please others and make choices that go against their own needs and desires. This can strain relationships and lead to resentment or a sense of being misunderstood.
- Communication and Collaborative Decision-Making
Rather than placing the responsibility solely on the person with DID, a more empathetic and supportive approach involves fostering open communication and collaborative decision-making. Understanding and acknowledging the presence of different alters can help create an environment that respects each alter’s unique perspective.
- Encouraging Internal Dialogue and Integration
Therapeutic interventions such as psychotherapy, including techniques like Internal Family Systems (IFS), can assist in facilitating communication and cooperation between alters. This process aims to help the person with DID develop a cohesive sense of self and build internal harmony. By supporting the integration of alters and facilitating internal dialogue, decision-making becomes less burdensome for the individual.
Conclusion
Asking someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder to make choices without considering the complexities of their condition can be unfair to both parties involved. Recognizing the multiplicity of identities within a person with DID and fostering open communication can create a supportive environment for decision-making. By embracing empathy and understanding, we can contribute to the healing journey of individuals with DID and promote healthier relationships built on collaboration and respect.
Dear Reign Nyx Harris,
We have been friends for over a decade, and I treasured that. I was supportive all the changes you went through and was cheering you on. I know I was there before when you needed and that I couldn’t be now. I am sorry I am not enough and I am sorry I don’t understand what is going on with you and you don’t seem to be able to see me at all. You wanted me to save you from drowning while you also didn’t see I was drowning and you pushed me under. I have seen to you push everyone away, and now me included. I don’t know what to do. I wish I could save you from your demons. I wish I could save myself from my own. I hope someday we get to be old people looking back at all of this, and maybe even together. I have wishes, but not hope. Hope is something others are holding for me right now as I try to piece myself back together. I don’t blame you for not saving me, I didn’t ask you to. I wish you hadn’t expected me to save you though without even asking, just expecting. I don’t have answers, just sorrow and wishes. — In the end we are all stories, make yours a good one. — Love, River.
