Part 2
My father had cancer, was in incredible pain, and not his heart was broken. He managed to get my brothers wife out of his house in a way that made her think it was her idea. Again, my Dad wasn’t one for conflict. I think a lot of people when dying even if they don’t like someone they want to be remembered fondly and they don’t want to spend their last months fighting with anyone. I talked near daily with my Dad, it was a hard call to make some days I have to admit. I didn’t want to hear he was having another bad day in a string of bad days in a string of bad weeks. He wouldn’t try anything new to change it and it hurt my heart to hear him suffering. But I called and we talked about everything we could. Some calls were a struggle. We used to like talking about politics even though we often didn’t agree but Dad didn’t have a taste for that either anymore. He had voted in the primary for Hillary to my shock. I am a Bernie girl all the way though it looks like that ship sailed and I will not be forced into Hillary, but it helps that Dad believed in her at least.
We made plans to go up and see Dad and help with things for a week around Fathers Day. We went up for a week ever 3 or so months, as soon as the military would let us. I lived for those times with my Dad and Dad always seemed so much better when we came. He would eat more and even after weeks of not leaving the house except for the doctors of chemo Dad would insist on going out with us even if just food shopping. I loved finding new things for him to try even if almost everything tasted like ash to him, at least he tried! I tried on a few of those visits to fill a book of memories about it. It was so hard… the medications he was on sometimes made thinking hard for him, other times it was just sad to talk about things. Sometimes it was happy though and we learned a bit.
Say all the important things while you still can!
It was hard talking about some things. Often we didn’t want to admit what was happening. We all thought they would always be more time. I certainly told him I loved him enough, that he was my “person” and the one I loved talking to. You see I am not one to talk on the phone…. I hate it actually. But I loved talking to my Dad. I talked to him more than any other family member actually. We didn’t always agree but he had this weird way of making it ok. He helped me be a better parent and admitted what things he wished he could have done differently. He wanted me to do better than he had when I was growing up. Still, now after he is gone I am not sure I told him often enough certain things….. did he die knowing how much I adore him and was thankful for the parent he was? I hope so. I think I told him enough, but what if I didn’t? I have doubt.
My Dad held my new baby as often as he could. He cried a few times thinking what we were all thinking, that she would grow up not knowing him. He loved his grand babies and told me over and over how happy and proud of my large family he was. He was their biggest fan.
In an effort the brighten things up my husband and I took up fishing with the kids. The plan was to take Dad fishing around Fathers Day. He had plans with friends to fish too. All our plans though fell apart in May.
Dad has completely stopped eating and drinking. Then he stopped talking on the phone.
I knew things were Bad when he couldn’t talk on the phone. Suddenly I went from having my Dad, this person I loved and adored and counted on for a wealth of knowledge to silence. I admit I freaked a bit but thought it had to be just a hard week. Mom called and told me hospice was called in, and they didn’t think he had long. My husband asked if I wanted to wait till after he died to go up or go up then. Getting military time off can be hard…. I had to go up though and husband understood. The military did too thankfully! Husbands command was great. One less worry. So we went up and I will be honest, I was going up thinking I was going to save my Dad. I was pissed that he was basically dying of dehydration. The week before I had talked to him and he was still sure he was going to go back to work even! He thought he might beat it. I had started to think he might too. All his scans came back with basically the cancer shrinking and not going into new areas. So why was he dying of dehydration?
It took talking to a nurse friend and a hospice nurse to find out that giving him IV fluids could crash his system and make things worse. So much I just didn’t understand. A few friends tried to help guide me to information but I really still thought I could save him.
When we got there….
Part 4
