You need Zen, lets talk!

Attachment parenting can seem focused on babies, co-sleeping, baby wearing and attending every need. While the best start is certainly an area to focus on, what about the mothers with a tantruming preschooler, defiant child, and siblings who seem hell bent on making one another miserable? It can be hard peacefully parenting older children and it can come with a heaping serving of guilt too as no one is perfect. While we are trying to be the best parents and give our children the best daily life still demands our attention too. The toilet still needs to be scrubbed, the marker scrubbed off the wall, and the cereal dumped and crushed into the rug vacuumed all while trying not to yell and lose ones patience.

I hear the guilt, sorrow, and desperation often in mothering groups. Time and time again I see that expectations are often causing more misery than needed. It can be hard to change our view point though, hard to let something go that is such a part of our society and ourselves. So let me share a zen time that you can add to your daily parenting self dialog.

  Zen Mantra:

 There is no such thing as a perfect parent but I can try to give my children one kind moment a day and that moment might be the one that carries them through life with at least a tiny bit of joy in their hearts. 

We can’t pick and choose what our children will remember and focus on as they grow up sadly. They might hold on to that one thing you never meant to say or that came out all wrong in your weakest moment. They could remember that silly joke you told them one vacation on the beach when you told them that if they yawned just right at a clam it might open up and given them pearly treasure. Of course yawning like that so long put me right to sleep much to my parents joy I am sure. It wasn’t the truth but it was funny and I love my Mother all the more for her effort in trying to make my childhood magical. Those small moments are the ones I try and hold on to when I remember her leaving when I was 6. She wishes that my brother and I could forget or let go our emotions about her leaving, that we would just remember the good things. She doesn’t get to pick though, and as a mother I don’t get to pick what my children will hold on to. As a parent you don’t get to pick what your children hold on to.

  How to live the montra:

Do something every day that makes you shine as a parent and let go of the guilt.

Read a 10 minute book before bed.

Bake something together.

Play a game.

Teach your child something new and fun.

Write your child a poem.

Do to the park even if the dishes need to be done.

Take out the camera and let your child know they are special and take a few photos of them.

Play hide and seek even if just for a bit.

Make monster spray (Water and lavender essential oil) and go on a monster hunt with your child.

Play dress up.

Let them brush your hair.

Sing together on the way to school or the grocery store at the top of your lungs.

Get a monthly kit that makes crafting with a child a no brainer and fast too!

I am sure you can come with much better ideas that make you feel really alive as a parent. Maybe take a toy helicopter out to a big field to fly with your child for a bit before sun set. Maybe make a fort with couch cushions! You get the idea! Make a list! Share your ideas with me by commenting below because I love new ideas to try!

     Chances are  your already a super parent!

Chances are you just don’t notice it. Your child might remember how you made sure every lunch had something they specially loved in it. Or how you loved going shoe shopping together. Maybe they hold in their hearts that your their homework cheerleader always there for them when ever they need patient help. Maybe they will forever remember the time you went to school when a child or teacher bullied them. Maybe will never forget the sports games you don’t miss.

For me, I remember how my father ever summer vacation would take me to the most amazing zoo. I didn’t know it then but those trips where really costly. It was the same zoo, every year, but he still took us. I remember the vacation when I wanted to climb the mountain alone and a storm was coming in and he gave me permission, he trusted me. It was such a gift. (Course my step-mother, bless her heart, worried like heck and insisted on coming too, as did my little brother, and wow did they get messy tumbling on their butts and about floating down the side of the mountain with all the storm water that dumped down on us! I stayed clean though, wet, but not mud cakes like them at least! LOL).

Sometimes the best gifts are simply getting out of our children’s way as they get older.

Do something at least once a day that your child might remember. Chances are it will not be clean toilet or vacuuming and hopefully it will not be however you reacted to the marker on the wall. Though if you do it in a loving way, even the wall marker incident might be something they cherish for years to come and they might even use how you reacted to help them parent some day too!

Be kind to yourself.

Taking time to do little special things with my children is how I find my zen when it comes to parenting. It doesn’t always work but it does really help.