Sleepless Nights as a Parent

I think it is fairly safe to say that most parents expect to have sleepless nights with newborns and then with possible Toddler nightmares, and of course when our kids are sick but why is it no one warned me sleepless nights when they get older?

Like many parents, I eagerly read all the baby books and parenting books I could get my hands on. I even took classes to learn new parenting skill as my parenting toolbox, like many, mainly consisted of how my parents raised me. I know they did the best they could at the time and of course, they raised me how they had been raised, but I wasn’t about to use belts and wooden spoons on my own kids.

Indeed husband and I picked a very different parenting path, a peaceful parenting path with no spanking. It took some work and sometimes still does, I still read parenting books and often read the latest science on how best to parent because when we know better, we do better. All this to say, I THOUGHT I had this handled and I thought I was on solid ground.

  Peaceful Parenting Worked

The fact though is, I didn’t see some huge things coming. No one warned me, no one seems to talk about it, and this is huge parenting stuff….

You see my husband and I have raised some amazing kids. Our oldest, who inspired this post, is now 19. She was homeschooled and graduated last spring. She has a job, lives with us during her gap year and we hope, for college as well. Everything was going well. We adore her and we all get along and love family time.

Do you see where this is going?

  Tears when kids grow up!

My amazing girl who has never gotten into trouble really and is out exploring the world has had a hand full of boyfriends. That was an adventure for me, still is… why are these guys so immature? It isn’t my place to say anything though of course. I can’t “fix” things for her, only advise when she asks. She thinks I expect too much from those she dates. I think valid registration and the ability to make and keep plans isn’t asking too much. Alas, this isn’t about that.

What surprised me, what seemingly came out of nowhere, was the sleepless nights. The nights my grown daughter who is fully capable of making her own choices doesn’t actually come home. This is something new. I hate it.

 When your teenager doesn’t come home?!?

Where was the book about this? Each night I can’t sleep until my littles are asleep. This is hard because some of them are night owls. My son, for instance, has friends on the other side of the planet and it is the middle of the night when he can chat with them. One of our daughters, the very creative little forest creature, has nightmares sometimes and so stays up late with all the lights on. But in the end, they go to bed. I check on them, I feel content, and then I too go to bed. How the heck after 19 years of this do I go to bed when I have no idea if my oldest is asleep or safe or…. no one warned me!

 Sleepless Nights Because of Teens

So I am not going to pretend to have it all together. I am sleep deprived and trying so hard to be understanding. I have been waking husband up, poor husband. “It is 5am, she isn’t home.” and he says “Did she say she would be?” ….. no… but…. -sigh- So he has been buying me a lot of flowers. The flowers are in place of the words he tries not to tell me. “She is grown now.” I know this. He knows I know this. She knows I know this. But letting go is hard. This feels like some kind of awful good bye. Maybe I have had too much loss as of late. Of course, I am happy for her. I was married at 18 and was pregnant with her 6 months later.

My own mother, of course, laughs because I was a handful as a teen and I am very lucky my own oldest is not. I wish I could talk to my Dad about this too. Somehow he had forgotten I was a pain, and that always made me giggle. Loss. This is some kind of loss and no one warned me. All those books, hundreds of books, and nothing about this heartache and these many sleepless nights.

If you haven’t gone through this, here is your warning. There are many sleepless nights when your kids are teens and even when they are grown adults. 

   If you have gone through this, I am open to advice and book recommendations! 

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