Many parents struggling to figure out how to Improving their child’s behavior stumble over the same thing over and over. They are so entrenched in how their own parents raised them that they can’t manage to push past and acquire any new parenting skills. It isn’t to break out of that box, after all, it is what you know and you’re alive after all so your parents couldn’t have done such a bad job? Of course, when we know better, we do better. This doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents just because you are looking for other ways to parent.

  You can change how you parent! 

For me, and many, it can be hard to change. I really struggled to wrap my head around not spanking. It took a lot of books and support from others who had already changed. Peaceful Parenting can be hard on those of us who were raised with belts and wooden spoons and spanking. Our parents did the best they could, what they knew, and so those are the tools we are left with unless we aim to learn more and do better.

So many reasons backed by science to not spank!

  Peaceful Parenting Works

With our oldest now an adult and many little ones still at home, we have had a lot of experience with peaceful parenting. I admit, at first, I thought it was near impossible. Our kids though are amazing. I should have had more faith in them and myself and the process might have gone more smoothly. One thing I wish I had learned sooner is something rather simple.

  Simple Way To Start Improving Your Child’s Behavior

Believe it or not, it starts with you! Of course, you knew this already! You need to change your mindset! When your child is acting out, melting down, or misbehaving you are apt to react with punishment. Isn’t that what our parents did? This though creates more issues for you and your child. Instead, think of your child’s behavior as a symptom. Your child is going through something and they need your guidance to get through it.

Your child having a tantrum is the smoke…. it isn’t the cause of the fire. You have to help your child deal with the fire. If you punish them for not dealing well with the fire then all of a sudden your child has another fire to deal with. You need to help your child put the first fire out, together. Be the calm one, show your child they can trust you to see the problem and help them through it. Don’t make it worse.

I am not saying never punish. I am saying the definition of discipline is to teach. Teach your child how to navigate issues and put out the fires. It is hard at first but before you know it your child is learning to put the fires out on their own. It changes everything!

 Example of Peaceful Parenting  

Example: Our youngest is 3 years old. She was a late talker but now tells us about everything that comes to her sweet little mind. She hadn’t slept enough, really none of us had, and far too early for most of us Husband had to go work. Rather than be laying down she followed him all over the house upset he was going and not taking her with him. He is in the military and so taking her to formation was just not going to happen. She melted down. Full on tantrum. He felt bad leaving me with a puddle of a daughter but he had to go.

  Give a voice to their feelings

I first made sure she knew I was paying attention to her feelings. “You are upset Daddy is going to work.” I told her. She nodded. Often when upset she can’t manage to talk, just melt or rage. Hearing that I was understanding her she was already trying to calm down. When I would go near her though it would click things up a notch for her, more screaming. So I gave her space but kept looking at her and kept talking slowly and calmly for her. “You wanted to go with him today.” and “You are really sleepy like Mommy is.” And so forth, again, just stating the obvious for her. She was calming down, trying to dry her eyes. “Do you want a hug?” I asked her and she didn’t. She saw my words for a shallow gesture I suppose. A hug would not solve her problem. “What can I do?” I asked her.

  Use the 4 magical words to help any hurting human being!

“What can I do?” are 4 very powerful words for us human beings. They mean a lot. They mean someone is there and ready to help, you just have to ask. Too many adults can’t manage to ask for help even when help is offered. Too often adults don’t know what to ask of other people. Raising kids though with Peaceful Parenting, Attachment Parenting, Natural Parenting means we are teaching kids to have a voice, that their feelings and experiences matter, and how to problem solve.

I wasn’t in that moment sure how to help, she didn’t want my comfort. I couldn’t take her to see him at work. I really just wanted us to get back to beds. Some parents might have yelled at her, slapped her for not going to bed, or forcefully put her to bed. Peaceful parenting takes some more time and gentle care though. It is worth every second but at that moment I really needed her to just calm down and get back to sleep.

Those 4 words “What can I do?” were magic. She instantly had an idea. “You call Daddy on your phone!” and I told her ok, not really knowing if he would pick up, formation isn’t far from home.

  Sometimes kids know how to solve their own problems, they just need some support!

She ran to me, happy suddenly. I put it on speaker phone and she waited patiently as it range. He picked up, asked if she was ok, and I told her she was and that she wanted to chat. He promised to chat when he got home but he had to go. He hung up. She was sad. Her eyes started to fill up. “Should we call GaGa?” I asked her. She liked this idea. Of course with it being 5am, GaGa did not pick up. “Oh well, she is sleeping too. We should sleep too!” I told her. I thought she would reject this idea but she accepted it telling me she needed her pony blanket and off she went. The tantrum was over. She just needed to know I heard her and to know I was willing to help her try to fix the big emotions she was having.

  Have you tried Peaceful Parenting?