This wonderful breastfeeding supportive image and saying was shared on my facebook wall by none other than my amazing husband. I then choose to share it on my facebook blog fan page. To my shock I received these replies to it:
· Laurel – As a Mom who was not able to breast feed I find this somewhat offensive. In my case it was not a choice to trust the makers of formula- it was an absolute necessity. Just because my daughter was formula fed doesn’t mean I was less of a woman; or that I am any less powerful.
13 hours ago
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Magda – Breast feed doesn’t make a woman a better mom, i know a bunch of moms who breast feed, and are horrible moms, they have the kids all day at the day care, they never play with them, the kids are agressives, etc, etc..
6 hours ago ·
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Janis M. – Laurel, and Magda, I don’t think that is what she is saying. If you can breast feed, then it applies, if you can’t your power is in making the right choices for your child. Breast feeding does not making anyone a better mom, being a better mom does that. Many woman that breast feed are penalized and reprimanded for their decision to to make that choice. The power is in your choices, the choices that empower YOU!
Oh my word! How do we go from empowering women to not buy into the advertising of formula and to trusting their bodies and nature and in their creator (if they believe in such) to it being taken as an attack on formula feeding mothers? What have I missed. Can someone explain this to me?
I went on to explain, in my utter confusion mind you, that I was not able to completely breastfeed myself. That I tried everything and having done such have no guilt but rather even more motivation to support breastfeeding so other women do not have to go through what I have. They can be educated, they can keep nursing with even just a partial supply. I have a medical condition, rare as most all breastfeeding ones are, that keeps me from having a full supply. My babies start to fail to thrive around 5 months and need more than I can produce for them. I have to then work hard to keep up my partial supply for them. Worth it all but so hard, especially with so little support in this society to nurse in the first place.
It got me to thinking about how many women say they can’t breastfeeding, they assume there is a physical reason, and science tells us it is just not possible for all the women who say they can’t breastfeed to actually not be able to. Sadly most women who say they can’t actually just never learned how, did not work at it, as it can be a lot of work for some, or had no interest in it and to protect themselves they say they couldn’t. I wish more women got the help they needed so they could breastfeed, and I wish those who just don’t want to would say so as it perpetuates the notion that so many can’t breastfeed and makes it harder for the rest of us who need support. Through years of tears, cracked and bleeding nipples and so much $$$ in hospital grade pumps, getting medications from out of country, and smelling like a pancake stop, I really find it offensive that some would lie about this. I however am not saying anyone of the fans on my page who has an issue with breastfeeding support is lying. I do not know them and never should anyone accuse a woman of lying about such a thing unless they know them personally. I do know a few that simply didn’t try and did admit to lying about it. I feel for them on one level, the memory thought of having upset friends at a BBQ I had to leave early because my bleeding nipples stained right through breast pad and onto my shirt is stronger, and I feel more for the young girl I was then having to deal with that horrible moment and the NO support I had gotten when I was about yelled at to just bottle feed already.
So this is me telling all my fans, I support breastfeeding, and breastfeeding education. It is not about who is a better mother or what not. It is about promoting what is best. No one runs around saying no one should talk about the top 50 schools and how they do it because the parents who send their children to the bottom 50 schools don’t want to hear it. We promote what works BEST, not what works ok. Formula feeding mothers need support too, but not because formula feeding is so hard, but because mothering is hard and because sometimes we can’t give our children the best and sometimes we need support knowing that it will be ok. One does not need to attack those who promote breastfeeding because they feel badly about not being either able to or choosing not to. A better use of time and energy would be to seek out support for mothers who need support. The issue is not with breastfeeding or those who support it and promote it, it is with mothers who do not feel secure enough to know that they have actually done enough. When you’re insulted by breastfeeding information it doesn’t mean the information is insulting, it means some people still have guilt and are not dealing well with it. This is coming from someone who had guilt and it took me a while to deal with it too. Please take this not as an attack but as someone who cares about all mothers getting support but one kind of support is not for everyone. This page might not be for mothers who have guilt, it might bring up too many reminders that they will take personally, take differently than intended, and no one needs that stress.
Take care of yourself! Your worthy, your enough, no one judges you as badly as yourself. Take care of that!
I believe you hit the nail on the head here, so to speak. When I was breast feeding my son, I got a lot of negative comments from my formula feeding friends. I always felt the negativity came from a place of guilt and insecurity that they, in most cases, chose not to breast feed. I do feel sad for the women that can’t or couldn’t do it and really wanted to. I have been there too with my first child, and it is devastating. I could go on and on about this, but will end it here.