I must admit that my husband helps around the house a lot. He does more cooking than I do even. He changes diapers even! There really is nothing he will not do if asked. He however forgets a lot, or rather procrastinates like most of us. So I left him a note. Then I posted the note to his facebook wall, and it got some laughs. A short while later he got the pet cages clean.
We have very large sugar glider cages, think large book cases. They are hard for me to move and clean considering my Fibromyalgia, specially times like now when it is flaring. So this is something I needed him to do, since last Saturday. It is Wednesday…. Something had to be done.
It worked! I don’t being negative would have, so I went with funny! Really, he does so much and I adore him. He didn’t need negative. He thankfully got the joke and found it funny, on his facebook wall and everything.
Over the years I have felt sorrow for many wives who get little to no help from their husbands. I never understand it. Often it is not that the husband has just stopped helping, it is that he never helped in the first place. I wonder why they married such a man. Did they know he was like this before hand? Did they live together first? Did he change? I hope to raise my children with the mindset that who they marry is who they get and not to expect the other person to change just because you marry them, or because you have children, or choose to stay home to raise them. In my experience, watching that is, this doesn’t tend to happen. Not without something drastic.
I am no marriage expert, but I have been married 14 years. Nothing drastic has happened in our marriage so much as times of deep honesty. Nothing tends to change when there is shame involved, or guilt being thrown. Letting the emotion spill though has helped my marriage so very much over the years. Above all I think honesty and openness is what works for us. With some funny times as well. We have to be creative in our marriage, in our homes. I try to peacefully parent, and I try to peacefully communicate with my husband as well.
I know I am really blessed and it is not due to being smarter, knowing more, or trying harder. It has to do with the fact that I married my best friend, the right person for me, and we are both on the same page about communicating more often than not. I can’t remember us yelling at one another, though we bicker like crazy from time to time. He has yet to sleep on the sofa though so I think that is a good sign! I would give this man anything in the world I possibly could. I adore him. He loves me, and doesn’t expect me to change. He loves me for who I am and that is so very rare. He loves me even when I pick on him in front of our friends online. We are crazy for one another. I wish everyone had this. If you don’t right now, I hope you do soon. Everyone deserves unconditional love.
Thank you for sharing this! I think a lot of dads/husbands check out when the negativity creeps up. It’s usually not an issue of masculinity, but confidence. If your husband tries something around the house to help you out and he fails, don’t beat him down because of it. Nobody likes to work under those conditions. Support, encouragement, and clear expectations are the best way. Also, most men like to “solve problems” so if you make it a problem for them to “solve” it can be a lot easier than nagging. The reason certain husbands become deadbeat husbands is usually because their confidence is destroyed. The reason they are still around is usually because the woman who destroyed his confidence usually lacks the confidence to expect more of her husband. She has created a monster (and he willingly chose to go along with it because it’s “easier” than trying). I hope more women read your post and see the wisdom that you have gained.
I think thats very cute–BOLD of you to put it on FB =^}
I’ve been blessed to see a man who helped around the house A LOT-he did food shopping and 1/2 the cooking and laundry…afterseeing it for years in my Dad I knew I had to have the same thing.
I was blessed to find it. I’ve also noticed too ASKING is part of the problem–When there is something I want done, and in my mind I think my hubby should KNOW it needs to be done__ if I just ask-he’ll do it!! I like what Matthew said too–make it a puzzle—just like when your trying to teach your children make it fun!!!! WHO DOESN’T like TO HAVE FUN!?!?!?
New follower from vB =)
Wondeful post! I have a husband who helps around the house, I dont even have to ask him, its been that way ever since we were married 15 years ago, I love it! and welcome to Voiceboks!
Sweet post. I, too, have one of those amazing, helpful husbands… for 22 years! Our secret? NEVER complain about your spouse. If you have a problem, talk about it together. Otherwise, build him up. Encourage him. Seek only the best for him. I truly believe that when we married, two became one, just as we stated in our vows. If I were to tear him down for his mistakes, I’d hurt myself as well. What husband wants to come home to complaining and nagging?
Great post and great example! 🙂
Ever since he worked abroad, this is one of the things that I miss most about the husband – his housekeeping skills!
He can practically do anything that I can do, sometimes even better! Although I have to take credit for his cooking skills. He got that from me. 🙂
My hubby sometimes does his own laundry. And when he’s here at night, he helps with the kids showers. And you’re right about one thing. People don’t change. . . so you better make sure you can live with them the way they are!
Cute and clever way to get the other half to do stuff. 🙂 Humor always works!
I love how you handle it with humor. It is best not to try to change people, but to make their best side come through, and you seem to have that down. Congratulations on some many year past and to come with your best friend.
That’s really cute 🙂 My DH is usually right on top of cleaning, actually he’s pretty awesome all around… It awesome that you and your DH have had a great relationship. I wish you many more years of happiness.