Watching your child enter the “real world” is one of the toughest things that all parents have to go through. Is my “baby” really ready for this?
The transition into adult should involve two goals:
- To allow your child to achieve independence
- To maintain a close relationship with your child
Keep in mind these six degrees of separation as you and your child go through this together.
Connection
For a successful transition, your young adult needs to feel a connection to the community, engaging in productive activities whether at school or at work. This is crucial as they adjust to living out on their own. As their parent, you serve as an important support system. Your child will encounter challenges along the way. Be there for them by remaining clam and reassuring. Let them know that they have the ability to work through these problems on their own.
Separation
For your young adult, this is often an exciting prospect: independence! It’s a chance to enter adulthood and establish autonomy. Unfortunately, for parents, that can mean staying in the dark about what’s actually happening in your child’s life. The best thing you can do for your child is to accept this fact. For many parents, this can mean a lot of anxiety, so find support from family and friends rather than unloading on your child.
Problem Resolution
Your young adult is now being confronted with more complex problems as he or she enters society on their own. Your role is to offer guidance. You want to encourage a balance of independence as well as relying on others for support when it makes sense. Above all, let them know that you’re confident in their ability to handle complicated situations and trust the decisions they make. This helps build self-confidence, encouraging stronger decisions rather than those driven by fear or peer pressure.
Relationships and Collaboration
As your child enters adulthood, it’s crucial that he or she learn how to live alongside other people: roommates, classmates, teachers, co-workers. They may have very different styles of communication or ideas about boundaries. Sometimes young adults don’t solve a problem; they avoid it, seeking “easy” solutions or fleeing stressful situations. Encourage your young adult to work through issues even when it’s hard, and offer advice on where to look for solutions.
Responsibility
You spend their childhood throwing this word around, and now it’s time for them to put it to work: following the rules and learning accountability when they don’t. You can help by providing space for structure in their lives – and also holding your child responsible when your rules are broken.
Support through Treatment
For young adults struggling with trauma, addictions, or other psychological issues, residential treatment may be a part of the transition into adulthood. Your son or daughter needs activities that promote connection to the community, teach life skills, and also include down time for fun. As the parents, you should respect that even weekends may be spent learning life skills, such as grocery shopping or cleaning their living quarters. You can still be there for him or her, but understand that this transition period may require more time away from you as your child develops a stronger sense of self.
Check out this infographic from Yellowbrick for more information:
