Over the last few days I have learned some very important things about helping children grieve and gotten some great parenting advice from those who have more experience in this area than I do. My need for manners almost made things worse and I am glad I was told I was wrong by others in this case. It is important to be able to admit when your wrong, and I was in this case.
Let me start at the beginning… or close to it.
I am a surrogate mother.
One of the surrogate Fathers Died.
We traveled to them to see my two surrogate daughters now 10 and 11 and their Dad and to say good bye to their Daddy. We went to be supportive because we love them.
My oldest daughter and 5 year old daughter asked to stay in the same hotel room with their surrogate sisters and of course we said yes. Only the next morning I found out that the girls where very loud that night and got 5 complaints about noise. It seems them with some cousins where having a great time playing a board game in their hotel room and someone was jumping on the beds… My oldest daughter seems to have been he ring leader. She said she thought making the girls laugh and having fun with them was the best thing she could do. Now you must understand that my oldest is 14 and a great kid. She isn’t a trouble maker, she normally has great manners, and hasn’t even gotten in trouble before for anything like this.
I learned that surro Dad came to the rescue of all the kids. He told the Manager that the girls lost their other Daddy and that the laughter and joy is the best medicine for them and while he is sorry if they disturbed anyone he was not sorry they where having a nice time. He said that if it was that big an issue he would take his 7 rooms of people and leave along with a refund for all the rooms. I was never woken up so I take it the manager was understanding the girls where settled down for the night with great fun memories of the night. Seems they also took a parental free adventure to the snack machines on another floor as well… some of the complaints came from that loud excursion.
Before the Dad told me of how he handled it all I really thought I would ground my oldest daughter. I hadn’t thought about how important it was for the girls to laugh and play and have a good time. I was so focused on the fact that my oldest should know better and that being rude to other guests who need sleep is not ok. In the end after others helped me see what a blessing the night actually was I choose to simply talk to my daughter about being mindful of others and not ground her.
Sometimes I get stuck on what is polite and proper and don’t see what is right in front of me. My surrogate girls dealing with the worst thing a child could ever deal with, their hearts broken, and for a little while at least they had some joy and a reminder that they are alive and have to keep going without him. I love that their Dad defended all the kids and in his time of heart break could see clearly enough to know the kids needed a wild night of fun. He said having them happy helps him and I would give anything to make this at all better for him and the girls. He is an amazing father.
While I think manners and following the rules is important I think there is something to be said for defending your children, specially when they didn’t mean any harm!
Kudos for the dad for standing up for the kids. 😉
Sweet story. Super glad that somehow you were able to recognize what’s really important, here. My sons lost their father when they were 8 & 9. It was difficult enough on them without everyone worrying about what clothes they would wear to the funeral and how “rude,” it was of them to say, “he died,” instead of passed on. The little knit picking things about drove me nuts. But, my boys just ignored them and went on with their lives like only kids can do.