Breastfeeding – So you hate it? So what!

I read a sad admission from a mother today about breastfeeding and how she hated it and how she wouldn’t with any future children? Why? Mary Fischer gave 6 reasons she hates breastfeeding that she came up with in the few weeks she tried breastfeeding. You can read them all fully in the link above. I wanted to share some insights on her post here on my blog in hopes that any new mother reading might have a better picture of breastfeeding and breastfeeding issues.

#1 It’s all she did.

She said that she was told to feed baby every two hours and that baby would nurse for an hour each time. It felt like it was all she did. I can understand that and I have sympathy, specially as I have other children and it was sometimes hard to nurse baby and take care of the others and the house. Alarms ring right away with this though because if the baby was latched correctly than nursing should not be all she ever got to do. It sounds like there where issues with transferring milk. Keep in mind I am not a lactation consultant but after years of issues with breastfeeding and trying to get it right, I have learned a lot. Breastfeeding can sometimes feel like it is all your doing, but that isn’t reality for most.

  #2 She needed sleep

She wanted her husband to be able to feed the baby in the middle of the night so she could sleep. While I can sympathize, being a parent comes with an understanding that your not going to be getting sleep like you had been before. Often mothers will co-sleep (Studies have found it to be safe when done correctly) or room share so they can quietly nurse baby at night. Many breastfeeding mothers say they get more sleep than having to get up and make a bottle and such.

 #3 It hurt like hell

Now this is a huge alarm bell as breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt beyond the first week or so. It is a clear indication that the mother was not educated enough in breastfeeding to know she needed help to fix something that wasn’t right. Maybe she should have posted that she hates breastfeeding issues as that is what she was dealing with. Please if breastfeeding is hurting you, get to a lactation consultant who is trained to help. You might even need to try a few as while some nurses are said to be trained often they are not up to date or don’t have the focus that some others trained in it do to spot and help correct issues.

  #4 Her baby was hungry

Given the other information it is very clear that baby was not transferring milk well, no wonder he was hungry! Sadly that poor mother didn’t know any better to get help?

#5 It made me feel more isolated

Because of her own comfort she hid herself away from people to breastfeed. This sounds like a “created” issue and while some mothers do it that way, it is not inherent in breastfeeding but rather a social and cultural issue that can be over come with effort and education for most. Reading her excuses I can’t help but feel badly for her. I also feel badly for any new mother reading her post because it isn’t going to help them or their babies any to do what is best.

  #6 She wanted my body back

She admits it is a selfish want, that she had been pregnant for 9 months and didn’t want to share her body with the baby any longer and she was happy when she stopped breastfeeding. I can’t connect to this at all…. having a baby is about giving to that baby, sharing your body, time, space, and life. I wonder what that mother will do when she has a toddler that bothers her every time she tries to go to the bathroom, shower, or talk on the phone! It is well known that breastfeeding can help with weight loss and birth recovery. It also helps to prevent cancer… I hope she never gets it as letting her body naturally do what it was made to do after giving birth would be a lot easier than Chemo! (Thought breastfeeding is not a guarantee that one will not get breast cancer)

    You don’t have to do anything if it is hard and you don’t love it!

This to me seems to be the message she is sending out into the world. I wonder if she will teach her child that he does not have to do anything if he hates it, even if he hates what is best for him. I can see it now… “Don’t worry son, you don’t ever have to eat a veggie in your life…” and “Don’t worry son, you don’t need nap times and never have to go to bed again!’ Right… only her sons needs will conflict with hers and it sounds like she is so focused on her own wants that things will be very hard for them all. Again, a really sad situation.

So here is what I am teaching my kids.

   Sometimes the right thing to do is the hard thing and needs to be done even if you hate it!

This is best done by example of course. I think Daddy in the military serves as a great example. My older children have also seen my breastfeeding struggles and all the medications, breast pumps, and even tears to make it all work. It was all worth it though. Yes, I hated the issues, but I loved fighting for what is best for my baby.

I am a mother and I accept that:

#1 My children are my priority! 

#2 Having a child means life changes and everyone knows it means less sleep! 

#3 Sometimes we have to do things that hurt. My children are worth it. 

#4 If something isn’t working for my children and it is best for them, I will get help to figure it out, not give up. 

#5 My children are life, if I feel isolated it is not because of them it is because of choices I make. 

#6 My body was made to give birth and nurture a baby. If I didn’t want to use it in such a way I would not have had children. 

Am I saying that Mary is a bad mother? No, but it is sad that she was not better educated on breastfeeding and that she didn’t seem to have a good picture of actual mothering before getting pregnant. I think parenting might be a rude awakening for her in the future as well. Being a mother is not about being a martyr but it is about putting your children first in my opinion.

In the end though, I always try and remember that I could be wrong. You know your situation best but please, please, be well educated on such important things before just giving up and then posting about your choice in such a way that could damage others belief in their own ability to do what their bodies are made to do.