I am sharing information about my births in hopes it might help someone else.
I am a mother of 4, surrogate mother of 2. I have given birth 6 times to 6 healthy children. I love pregnancy, birthing, babies, and helping. So maybe that is why I really value the women the last few years who have so boldly shared their natural birthing stories and photos and videos. There is a new group growing of women who want to share natural birth live and not edited. If you ask them why, they all seem to have the same story, that birthing does not have to be a medical emergency like you see on TV. They want to share what healthy, intervention free, peaceful births can be. Why not?
Peaceful you say? How can a screaming mother in the worst pain imaginable have a peaceful birth. I will let you in on a secret…. not all births are like you think they are. They can truly be peaceful. I have done it, twice! But don’t take my word for it, if your sure they can’t be, maybe you should watch a few! Goodness knows having never heard of a peaceful birth I certainly would not have believed it.
First Birth: My first birth found me in a hospital with my military husband at 19. Walking halls turned into pitocin, and hour and hours of painful labor and then pain medication that didn’t work and then and Epi that hurt and still gives me shooting pain from time to time. But I pushed a few times, a few stitches, and there she was, a slight O2 issues possibly from interventions, they never did find a cause. She whisked away from me so quickly and put in NICU for a week. I couldn’t walk for hours after the birth and didn’t get to shower till the next day. Again, the shooting pain from my spine to my toes still happens sometimes. No one ever told me about risks and side effects…
Second Birth, surrogate baby #1: Induction, skipped the shot of pain medication, right to EPI, and birth was fast unlike my first, no complication, a few stitches, shooting pain in my back, couldn’t walk for hours, and it seemed like forever till I could shower and function. Baby was healthy though and that was perfect!
Third Birth, surrogate baby #2: Induction, same as my second birth only the the EPI made it so I couldn’t breath right, it scared the heck out of me and I had to beg for them to turn it off. Again, no one ever told me the possible side effects. EPIs are just what you get when in labor I thought. Fear. Pushing took me longer, I was upset, baby was born, health thankfully! When my placenta took a while to come out and pulling made it worse a Dr came in and tore it out of me, in pieces. Pain. Fear. More stitches, took me a long while to be able to shower. Recovery was hard.
Fourth Birth: Planned like the others, in a hospital and with the EPI. Was there any other way? No one told me about it, all the shows on birth where like mine for the most part. Only my water broke on it’s own at 38 weeks. I was not in any pain. I had plans, so I put a pad on and went to sing at church (UU Church) Choir. Sang through contractions with people laughing with me and it was wonderful. Contractions seems to stop though and I got worried. Why didn’t the contracts hurt and why did they stop I wondered. So to the hospital we went, with a choir friend. They didn’t think I was in labor so they had me wait near an hour to be checked in the waiting room. Contractions came back and we sang through them too, still laughing and having a great time between trying not to worry. No pain, just tightness. I thought I would have a long night walking halls. I finally got checked and the shocked nurse said I was at 7cm. I freaked. Instant pain. I knew the cut off for the EPI was 7 and suddenly the contractions where on top of one another. Got into a room, saw a Dr who was a real peace of… well he had them hold me down to put an IV in when I was PUSHING and yelling NO. He put pitocin in, not normal fluids like he said he had thought, took the time to argue my birth plan, and at this point I threatened to kick him if he touched me. He laughed at me. I had never considered natural birth, had no idea how to breath, so I did what worked before. Sang. DH sang with me and so did my friend. Baby came without the Dr touching me, and then despite me wanting to hold him first, they took him to do all those things they do. Another bag of pitocin was put in me for no reason. I did not hemorrhage, placenta came out just fine. Dr left with no order for pain killers for me, and the pitocin was making me feel like I had another baby in there. Talked a nurse into stopping it and then in the shower I went. I could walk so fast after the birth, shower so nice… and I was not drugged though I wanting some pain meds, anything! Tylenol would have been great. I saw that night though that labor could be painless. It was great till I freaked. Could birth be peaceful too? The Dr was useless and the setting scared me and made me feel helpless. I never wanted to go through that again.
Fifth birth: My husband was deployed but that didn’t stop me from planning a homebirth he supported. Got a midwife and doula and a great friend and had my next baby in my kitchen. It was a near silent birth. Not a huge event and recovery was so fast. No screaming, no terror, no one holding me down, no one telling me to push. Baby was out before the midwife new it was already time, that I was really pushing. Love birthing pools I have to say. Hypnobabies might have helped too. NO STITCHES! And I got to shower soon as I held baby and nursed her! I had to do that again!
Sixth birth: Another homebirth, another state, a different midwife, another kitchen, and my HUSBAND! Joy! This time I woke up in transition, 7cm. Midwife got there and I was on a birthing ball in denial of how fast it was going. Labor start to finish was about 3 hours. It was no huge event, my other 3 children in the house and playing and they didn’t even hear me pushing. We had to call them in to meet baby sister. NO STITCHES and I got a shower soon as I cuddled my baby and gave her to Daddy. Soon as baby was out I thought, I have to do that again. (Though we are done as 4 kids and homeschooling and being a military family is a lot to keep up with!)
All of this very personal information to say…. if I had not had a painless labor I would not have believed a peaceful natural birth without screaming and making it a huge medical event was possible. I had been too scared to even consider it. Scared by TV, other women, our society to believe birth was a horrible painful curse that one had to get an EPI for.
We need to make birth normal again. Yes some people need a hospital and I am so thankful for them. But must our c-section rate be so high? Must we have so many inductions? Why is pitocin used on almost all births in most places? Why do we have one of the highest birthing moralities in the world? Places that support natural birth have better outcomes than the US does. We need to change the fear, we need to make birth normal again.
