I am not expert at anything…. or maybe I just am very aware that no one is perfect and there is always something new to learn. When it comes to attachment parenting a teenager I am learning as I go like we all do. Please as always take my thoughts with a grain of salt. (You might need the whole salt shaker!)

 The Teenage Brain

We know that the teenage brain and body are going through changes and it seems to make them crazy and it some how makes parents crazy too. Aristotle said oh so long ago, about 2,300 years ago that “the young are heated by Nature as drunken men by wine.” Unlike the drunk though, teens can’t choose to put that bottle down so to speak. The changes are in their bodies and I think they need guidance. While the brain does not grow much during the ages between 12 and 20 it does something rather remarkable. It re-wires itself. It is like remodeling a house, there are things everywhere and the teen has only a few things pulling their attention so they trip over tools we place all around them to help guide them. Things we know we taught them, things they were solid about before, are suddenly seemingly shoved in a closet and buried! While all the changes in the end make for a more sophisticated brain, it is a clunky change! 

This doesn’t mean though that teens are not responsible for their actions! It does mean though that they have to work harder than adults for the same results at times, such as resisting temptations and risk assessment. Studies show with positive motivation teens can focus for the same results as adults!

  Attachment Parenting

So that brings me to attachment parenting. We don’t stop attachment parenting when kids hit the teenage years. We didn’t spank them as kids just to turn to other aggressive ways to manage anger when they don’t live up to expectations as teenagers. I am so lucky to HopePixies Mother. I adore her and I worry for her. Things have not gotten “bad” yet. I worry about it though because so many parents talk about hating the teen years, or worse, hating their own children during these years.

It is all made harder because teens start listening more to their peers and less to their parents. Peers can have entirely different situations, rules, and experiences. It is not uncommon for kids with little in the way of responsibility to make kids with responsibilities feel badly about it and stir trouble. We have had a bit of that. I wonder sometimes how some kids with no idea how to take care of themselves are supposed to live when they turn magically 18 or move out to college. I don’t have that same worry for my oldest though, she can do her laundry and feed herself and make a few meals. She will not have to worry about learning the basics while trying to navigate all the other things changing for her. Some kids live in these fantasy worlds and are not well grounded. Trying to keep our kids falling into those worlds too is hard, specially when teens start forming their personal lives. In the end, she will know we will always be here for her. We will give her our opinions on the best judgement given certain situations.

So the attachment parenting path is like every great parenting book, it starts with communication. It doesn’t mean letting kids do things that are harmful. It does though mean we need to give them our trust, but not blind trust as we can’t guess how other people parented their children and we know our teens brains are very very busy.

It might just be luck but goodness I am so proud of my teens choices so far.  I hope I remind her often enough that I am here for her.