One of the most wonderful and amazing parenting tools we have is being able to model positive behavior for our children. Little ones are busy all the time imitating what they see. One of the most scary things in parenting is that same quality in children, that they are always watching us. They see the good and the bad, the strong and weak, all the moments that we are with them. What we do will be mirrored back to us and that can be something that very hard to accept. More so when we lead with an authoritative stance built on ego, supported by force, shame, blame, anger and rejection.

  The Negative Parenting Tools

For some of us, we grew up with spanking, the act of being physically hurt and scared by a grown up who is angry over something we have done or failed to do. Maybe some got time outs, the act of being rejected for not doing something, or doing something someone didn’t approve of and being given time to self loath, to feel unworthy, or maybe worse, time to build resentment and plan to not get caught next time. There are many parenting tools that are negative, and very common. Some believe them to be discipline but is that really what those tools are teaching our children?

    Set the example!

Show the children how to be wrong, how to correct mistakes, and very importantly, how to admit when we are wrong and sincerely apologize. Our children are watching us, let us show them we respect them and others and that we can be trusted to make things right. In this way our children can learn by our example. Will this solve all of our parenting concerns? Of course not, not over at least but it will have a far deeper impact to a child’s positive character traits than the negative tools we so often use.

Too many parents will not apologize to children, maybe we fear losing our power over them. Maybe we fear that admitting we have been wrong about something will make them trust us less. Maybe it is just Ego or how we learned to parent from watching our own parents. I promise though that showing you respect your child enough, that your willing to correct things, will set the stage for them doing the same in the future. They will see that they can be wrong, still loved, and they can fix things or do better.

No matter how you parent, remember to be kind to yourself. I know it can be hard having someone say they do not support some of your parenting tools, that doesn’t mean your not supported. What you do matters, remember they are watching.