Tonight is not my best night ever I must admit. It is rather hard to post this. It is raw and honest however even though it is heated and clearly showing how tattered and frayed my nerves are these days as a military wife. An online friend I do respect and have learned much from over the years posted something that set my heart ablaze in a most frightening way. I thought I would share it here as so many blogs are full of perfectly clean rooms and have all the answers. I don’t. This however is a clear window into what life is like now for my little military family and some might find it an interesting perspective or at least give a moment of pause for the facts of these situations.
Constance Spencer
My friend posted this image:
My Reply: It has everything to fear when dumb asses release hundreds of thousands of reports without knowing just what is in them and also videos of missions and equipment that could give those seeking to harm our military a leg up. Do you leave your door unlocked? Have you posted your social security number and credit card numbers here on facebook with the expiration dates? No? Well I guess that means your doing something wrong or covering something up right? Else you would post that as you have nothing to fear right? It is the same thing. It is called basic security and until your husband is in the line of fire it might not dawn on you how important security is. Manning isn’t a Hero. He didn’t do it all for some social good. He didn’t even start it all till his break downs finally got him tossed into a where people though he wouldn’t be able to hurt the missions and soldiers, their dumb asses just forgot to pull his clearance. He didn’t even pass boot camp the first time and his many cries for help on his identity crisis went unheard and unhelped sadly. What soldier e-mails pictures of himself in women’s clothing talking about identity issues to his commander? When people are in the middle of a war do they have time for such things? No everyone else had their mind on their work. Yes mistakes happen but it wasn’t war crimes he uncovered but one tragic accident video. All his other stuff was BS, not that he bothered to read it all before releasing it to wiki. It could have gotten real hereos killed. While I sit in my home a stones throw from where Manning is sitting trial my husband was busy being a casualty assistant to parents whos son was blown up by and IED. While the news was flooded with Manning crap no one was talking about a real Hero that came home in pieces…. pieces…. the military advised the parents to not even look at the body and my husband had to explain to them just why that was. My husband has to live with those pieces of a man in his brain for the rest of his life and grief of those parents. A real soldier, a great soldier, a real hero is dead. He didn’t put personal issues ahead of his country, didn’t post videos about secure locations and building layouts. He didn’t have a tantrum and do all the things Manning did. While I don’t think Manning is a villain or evil, he sure as hell isn’t a hero or a patriot. He is a child who did a lot of things for attention because as a society we failed him. So excuse me if I disagree, I need to go make sure to lock my doors before bed. Not because I am hiding anything, but because I am protecting my family, what matters. I am sorry if this comes off as angry but this situation so very close to my front door.
UPDATE: I think I may have lost a friend tonight. One I had respected. It adds salt to the wound. Someone who wants a more peaceful world sure seems to have a lack of compassion for the situation and I find it all the more tragic.
My friends response: Kimberly feel free to unfriendly me but I do not believe anyone who is willing to kill for money is a hero. It is tragic that anyone dies in war but until we call it what it is and stop sweeping it under the rug then more and more people will die. Information doesn’t kill people.
Also. I didn’t call him a hero. I imagine he did what he did for a reason though and it’s ironic that our information should be open to the very organization that kills people (including the person in pieces you mention) while they hide things which is clearly why I shared this. And again information doesn’t kill.
My reply: I am sorry your don’t see the reality of war, freedom, or it seems security. Information can absolutely kills people just as surely as guns do. A Hero is someone who risks everything to protect others. Soldiers are poorly paid and clearly not appreciated enough. My husbands job is all about information that can save or kill people, I am sorry you can’t understand that. I think it would be childish to unfriend you because your opinion is so directly hurtful but then what you think of soldiers I think I am going to battle thinking negative things about you now. You live in that organization. The military protects you, it does what you and all civilians tell it to do, so what does that say about you? I am not sure if I had your views that I would morally be able to live in such a country as clearly doing so would be just as wrong if I believed as you do…. but some people can’t walk the talk as they say. It is easy to have opinions, not so easy to live up to them. Just think, you pay taxes for those soldiers to go and do those things. That can’t be easy to live with.
And my husband would absolutely defend her right to have her opinion. Yet she assumes we can’t even be friends because of her opinion, what kind of building blocks is that for the peaceful world she wants?
Update:
Her post: Honestly it isn’t. Which is why I make so little money (and pay less taxes) and spend my time doing the things I can to promote peace like raising my children with love and freedom. I volunteer my time helping other moms. I do bookkeeping to help small businesses protect their assets from the government. I live the best I can in a situation I didn’t create. I imagine soldiers are also trying to do the best they can given the culture we live in the celebrates violence. I didn’t always think this way so I hope out hope that others will learn peace starts with them.
Also guns don’t kill. People do.
And then:
I just reread what you wrote Kimberly. If you are trying to pin the violence of the world on me and battle negative thoughts for standing up for what I believe in then clearly we are not friends. (Especially since you tried to twist my words with the hero bit). I post mostly public. Feel free to read, but I am going to remove you from my friends list now.
My reply:
I am sorry you couldn’t see my pain or my situation or even consider my opinions or experience. I didn’t say you said he was a Hero, but many are and I was talking about that. For all your talk of non-violence I think your right, you haven’t treated me as a friend at all. I braved being honest and sharing something I am very close to. You couldn’t even see it.
— I wanted to forgive the horrible thing you said about my husband job, something he is willing to die for and has risked his life for these last 15 years. I was willing to accept a different opinion and try and move past it. What did you expect my reaction to your opinion to be?
Was she ever a friend at all?
I’m just sorry for this rough time. Our military (and their families) need to be supported and applauded! Thank you to you and your husband for the job you are both doing to keep us safe! Thank you for your sacrifices! A few weeks ago my family was on a road trip and there was a huge convoy of very young soldiers all on rest time at the restaurant. My daughter and I engaged a few of the women in conversation and thanked them for their service and their time. They were so sweet and respectful. The group of them were all looking for phone chargers and snacks – just like any young adult 18-20 years old. But what impressed me and I wanted to share with my daughter that these young ‘kids’ were giving up time in their life when they could be partying with friends to go and protect me and my family! That is an amazing world we live in and those are real heroes! Hope your day goes well and you have sunshine!
Thank you so much Sharon. I think I had forgotten for a bit that there are people out there not supportive of the military at all and it was hard knowing that I thought I had a friend I could be honest with but turns out she wasn’t much of a friend at all. I keep thinking maybe I read into it all wrong. What ever the case is, I am so glad you understand the sacrifices service members make, specially the young ones. They really are heroes! Today has to get better!
Wow. I wish I knew what to say. It is hard when things get political and the sides are different between friends. I don’t really know enough about the whole situation to even comment. However, I do feel that whatever the reason, no one should be sharing our information without our consent.
Sweetie, in my personal opinion, you were spot on in your assessment of the Manning situation. The sad fact remains though that some people refuse to see the truth of the matter and persist in viewing Manning as someone being unfairly persecuted, but we have laws, rules, and regulations for a reason. Manning violated those laws; therefore, his punishment is deserved. Quite frankly I find her responses to you insulting in the extreme, but that’s neither here nor there; the important thing is that you stated your opinion and, rather than agreeing to disagree as most would have done, she basically did the equivalent of throwing a childish tantrum and stuck her fingers in her ears going “Lalalalalala I can’t hear you!”. Given that, and given that she clearly is incapable in this particular situation of understanding that people can have differing opinions, you may be better off without her.
I also note in one of her replies that she clearly has no concept of security anyway; her profile is public? In THIS day and age? She’s inviting someone to target her by doing that. I don’t think she’ll understand the concept of security until she’s faced with a situation where hers is violated, though; although I wouldn’t be surprised to see that happen soon. Ultimately, you did the right thing, and don’t let her hurtful comments stop you from believing in that. You know that her assessment of soldiers is wrong and misguided, and calling her on it was, in my opinion, the only thing you could do. If she’s so incapable of dealing with criticism of her views that her only response is to cut off a friend, well then, that’s on her, not you. Don’t stop doing what you’re doing just because of one person’s stupid response.
People fall into one of two educational camps : those humble who allow information to change their mind and thus learn from their own experience and that of others’ and those who choose the school of pain. In time, everyone graduates from the former, sadly many never graduate from the latter.
In fact information does kill, as well as it saves and promotes. Information changes minds; even the obstinate are influenced by the impact of that which they refuse to accept. Minds make decisions. Decisions generate actions. Actions produce life or death.
The failure to think no further than first order effects not only creates a pitifully fractured understanding of reality, it translates into the inability to identify the true source of situations in time and space. Our culture sadly is very poor at anything deeper than superficial thinking … and yet those with the shallowest minds have the most assertive opinions and the biggest mouths.
Falsehood does not get any more true with repetition, volume, or vehemence; it becomes more fragile with the increase of mass. Truth does not get any less so with reservation, quietude, or meekness; it becomes more fruitful with the increase of mass.
Rest in the love of your true friends. Nourish the relationships that fuel your life and prune those which do not. It will hurt, pain is a fact of life. But do not dwell upon the loss, release your attachment, for suffering is a choice. Your loved ones support you; all others are lost to their own mental demons.
I can understand her original point, that the government needs to be a lot more transparent than it already is, but when it comes to the safety of our armed forces? It is ABSOLUTELY vital to keep information private. I’m not sure what planet she grew up on, but information can be used to kill. Unguarded information has definitely caused the deaths of our troops in the past. As civilians, we don’t need to know every detail of every mission. These things are classified for a reason. It’s too bad that two friends couldn’t have separate views. It’s often hard to separate political views from our personal relationships.
I agree, there does need to be more transparency in the government and the revolving door of law makers and corporations needs to end. I also don’t agree on tracking Americans and invading privacy. But just as citizens need privacy so too does our national security secrets. Seeing Manning’s photo though sparked something in me and I just spilled my heart out thinking a friend would care about my situation and opinion. Her opinions on the military in light of the hard things I shared hit hard and so personal but I wanted to try and move past that and forgive her but was not given the chance. It sounds like though it is for the best. I am not sure why I assume people I consider to be friends are rational, logical, open minded, and compassionate. I was wrong about her.
I just want to say, I appreciate what all the men and women in our military do for us, and the sacrifices made by all the families, you and yours included.
So many thoughts are spinning around my brain my head right now this may not be very coherent.
Let me begin by saying, from one military family to another, I am so thankful for your husbands service, and how you and your children serve as well. As large as our Military is, it is a very small percentage of the the population that actually serve in it.
I agree with your post with all my heart about Manning. He is not a hero and I just cannot fathom people who call him a hero and then put down men and women who wear their uniform with pride, carrying themselves with poise and dignity and do their utmost for our Nation and her allies. People do not have to look at my husband as a hero, that doesn’t bother me. They don’t have to support the war. They do not have to recognize my family in any way. My husband is willing to die for them all the same.
I strongly dislike my husband being referred to as ‘someone who kills for money’. Just to clarify, that would be an assassin or a ‘hired gun’ for the mob. My husband is neither. He is an Airman in the United States Air Force. For all people who pose this view I ask them this – “How do you feel about the ‘Utopia’ that Hitler was trying to create?” Because unless you agree with Hitler, you are a hypocrite. Sound harsh? Well let’s see, it took THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of men from the allied nations sacrificing their lives to defeat him. Both sides of the war lost literally thousands of people in the battle. WWII was a hard fought dirty bloody war. I absolutely believe it was necessary. I have personally met over one thousand WWII veterans and let me tell you something – NONE of them relish what they did. Many of them are still suffering because of it. They get no pleasure knowing they are directly responsible for so many deaths. And it both breaks my heart and saddens me that someone would reduce them to ‘people who kill for money’.
The military is not perfect. There are some bad people who serve. And yes, their are people who signed up after 9/11 to go kill other people – payback they called it. Do I agree with everything about the military? No. I don’t. But, before I trough boulders at glass buildings, I stop and think. And I realize, that everything I have, everything I am capable of having, is because throughout our history, thousands of people were willing to lay down their life for me and ideals with which our Country was founded.
I would like to suggest to your ‘friend’ that if she so opposes how American’s live, how we fought with guns and blood to be able to live this way, she is quite welcome to find a home someplace else.
Thank you Kathrine for adding a clear headed voice to this. I wanted to express things as well as you did but it ended up a blur of emotion I think. Thank you for the support as it is a hard time here and I am guessing a hard time there as well though for different reasons. Military life can be so hard. I don’t expect my family or husband to be recognized but to be so wrongly insulted was hurtful. If someone is going to have such a harsh opinion of others who serve I would expect them to be doing more for the world, not so much less.