First Love is Love.
With that out of the way I want to dive into a too often scary topic of raising our children to have healthy sex lives. We can not leave this task to society. We need to give our children the facts and help them make the right choices for themselves. Of course this is all my opinion and you mileage may vary.
My oldest daughter is 12 and without getting into her personal life too much, I will simply say that she is a young 12 and this is not a world she is much aware of yet. The day is coming though and I want to be ready.
When a friend on Facebook mentioned that girls do not have mature hips till 18 and thus should not be allowed to have sex before that age and of course only after marriage I found myself wondering why I don’t believe that. After some research I noticed the number 18 came up on church sites but science sites said that female hips can be fully mature between 15-17 and of course that is just an average. So the number 18 seems like an arbitrary number to me. Another way to push a view that sex should wait till marriage. And that view is valid and I support any parenting teaching their own children that, however I do not support those parents expecting others to believe as they do and teach as they do.
I teach my children tolerance and science and to not stop asking questions and looking for answers. My choice is to teach my children about the history of human sexuality, about how it is thought that we of the 4th Ape family of Africa have only been monogamous the last 5% of human existence, since we started farming, and “owning” things as individuals and not as a tribe. It is very interesting. A quick view of this can be found here: http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/07/27/ryan.promiscuity.normal/index.html
Along with history will come current views of reality, the divorce rate, and how divorce has a biger impact on children than was once thought. I will teach them that I think monogamy is best for ME but other people make other relationships and families work as well. I will let them know that getting married is a commitment and natural wondering thoughts are not a failed marriage, just part of being human, and we don’t have to do everything that crosses our minds. I will let them know that sex is not dirty, just private, and it something special to do with someone special. I will let them know that I did not wait till marriage but that I married at 18 and got pregnant 6 months later and that still being married has shown me that I dating others helped me see just what kind of man I fit best with and that we lived together first to make sure we made a good match. It might be perfect for everyone, or even them, but I will share how a marriage I adore started. I will also let my husband tell them that I was his first in every way. We came together in different ways and it works. They can choose to wait, or not. I will ask them to please wait to have children till they are married because I think the more dependable people in a childs life, the better. I will teach them about birth control, self defence, STDs, and the current science on when humans are physically mature and have full grown brains. I will give them books to explain the acts of sex and I will remind them they can ask me anything. And when the time comes and they think they are ready, with tears in my heart about them growing up, I will listen to them, and I will try and help them make the choices that are right for them, even if they are not what I would have or did choose for myself.
These are my plans.
Of course if your a parent of an older child you know how plans go. What we expect to happen and what does is not always similar. And always, I could be wrong.
