Pondering of an Army Wife when the Worst Happens.

For nearly 15 years now I have been a military wife. We have traveled the country, moved a dozen times, and been without Daddy for a lot of that time. The longest being a stretch of 15 months the last time he was in Iraq. It was all very hard I will not lie and many nights filled with fears of the worst.

We have been lucky, the worst has not happened for us, but this week we found ourselves close to the worst and it is heart breaking. My husband was called last weekend and told he was a casualty reporting officer. He told me soon as he hung up the phone he felt like he would be sick, it was suddenly the worst job he had ever had in the military. He thought he would be the one telling a wife her husband had died but as things unfolded he learned he was the casualty assistance officer for the secondary family, the soldiers parents. He drove 2 hours in the middle of the night to speak with them, offer what comfort he could, and try and help them understand what comes next. I worried so much about him that night, the hard job he had, and the driving alone on no sleep. He got home ok but was clearly drained. I felt helpless to help him, and he felt helpless to help the poor parents who lost so much.

I want to note here that everyone who knows the soldier has been notified so please don’t worry about your loved one if your reading this now, you would know by now. The military does all it can to make sure the family knows before others, though the news makes this hard sometimes.

I found my heart breaking for strangers I have so much in common with. It was so sad knowing I knew someones world would be shattered with a knock on the door before they did. I wished so badly I could change it for them. That knock that every military wife dreads, the one in our nightmares was too suddenly very real.

A brave man died in Afghanistan last week, he stepped on an IED and his life was gone. He was a great soldier from all my husband said, a real Hero.

Meanwhile Manning is standing trial so very close to my front door and people are calling him a Hero. He has over a million dollars in his defense fundnow, and everyone knows his name. It seems so very wrong that people call him a Hero and yet so few know of the soldier who died last weekend, of his amazing parents and wife. I sadly am not sharing his name here as I am not sure about the families need for privacy in this.

I don’t know when next my husband will deploy, chances are it will be late next year after a move to who knows where at this point. I thought the last time was bad, but no, after this, the next time I know will be worse because now that knock on the door is all too real.

My husband will be helping this family how ever he can for as long as they need him. The primary casualty assistant in the army tends to be in the lives of those who lost a soldier for about 6 months when things are not complicated. As the parents my husband is helping are secondary to the wife (as far as army paperwork goes, their loss is no less of course) we are not sure how long that will be. If they need him next week we will not go on vacation though we are allowed to still, that family has to come first. My husband will drive to them as often as they need and do all he can, though nothing will ever be enough for all they lost and the sacrifice their son has made. I must admit, we really need a vacation about now as selfish as that might sound. Time together is priceless we are reminded.

We have tried to shield our 4 children from this as best we can, though our oldest knows a bit as she is very observant. Time will tell how this effects her. Our children we know sacrifice a lot with their father serving our country. Maybe more than most understand and we can only protect them friend reality so much.

The soldier who died doesn’t have children and I have to wonder if that is a blessing, less hearts broken in the world right now. He could have been an amazing father though and now we will never know. Dark times.

Hold your loved ones tight and be thankful for all you have. It can be gone in an instant, a knock on the door.