I am not dealing so well with the loss of my Memere
From the Facebook Wall:
For the love of childhood resilience. Memeres funeral was on Monday and each day since I have found myself a sobbing mess at one point or another. My 4 children though are right as rain. It it is not that they didn’t love her and they are such sweet children, I think they are just living in the moment better than I am. I miss her, I miss our time together, I am sad for the future with her not in it. Very hard days on my heart.
Words of Comfort
Michelle M. responded saying: Children, in general, I think, deal with death better than adults. I imagine, it’s partly due to the fact that they can’t possibly conceive the depth of the situation. With that said, in my experience, as I was exposed to death at a very early age, the sooner, and more honestly that death is presented to them, the better it is for their psyche. I have witnessed grown adults, experiencing their first wake/funeral, whom were unable to cope, purely from the fact that they were shielded from death, during their childhood. Death is a very sad and inevitable part of life, and if children are not exposed to it, how will they ever learn to, not only cope, but also have a genuine respect for life, and how precious it truly is? Good for you for not shielding you children from life, Mama!
It was so helpful to read her response as I had not even thought of things that way. I went to a few as a child myself most memorable was my Pepere when I was 12. I guess it was the Strict Roman Catholic tradition that children go and are not kept from death. My children were the only ones there though and that made a bit sad. They are her only biological great grand babies but I think it would have been nice to see her step grand babies too. I know it would have helped my kids. Days later and it seems the world it right as rain for the kids. I wouldn’t wish it otherwise for them and Memere wouldn’t either. My oldest has religion holding her up she says and I am not sure it has sunk in for the middle kids. Though my 7 year old has asked if we can make something to leave on her grave as we did my husbands mothers grave. 3 year old still thinks Memere is some place sleeping and that makes me smile and cry at the same time.
Thank you all for the messages and kindness shown to me and my family during this hard time.
Last Wishes
My Memere had near 96 years on this planet and the last few are entirely thanks for my Mother Mary who took such great care of her and thanks to my Father who made sure she never ended up in an old folks home. My Memere let everyone know she didn’t want that. A reminder to let your loved ones know now what you would like when your time comes and your at the end of your days. It is a small blessing to know everyone did what she wanted them to, it helps the heart.
I agree my kids handled the death of my mom alot better than I did. It was hard seeing my mom suffer with Pick’s disease. She had no quality of life for about two years and lived in a nursing home. She was unable to talk and then towards the end she got very ill. I felt bad because I honestly felt that she went to a far better place and I was somewhat happy. I was happy because I knew she would feel no more pain, there would be no more suffering, she would be freed from that awful disease, ect. Sorry to ramble but I can understand your frustration with loss. There isn’t a day that I don’t miss my mom, she didn’t get a chance to meet my youngest. Make sure that you take the time to fully grieve the loss of your grandmother.