I am a Mommy that needs a timeout.
Time outs are a tool parents sometimes use in hopes that taking a child away from a situation will give them time to think about things and make the right choices. It is contended though that taking a child away from a situation, putting them alone in a room or corner, does not cause them to think clearly at all but rather makes them feel neglected, misunderstood, bad about themselves, angry at others, and can break ones soul, a minute at a time.
As crunchy parents my husband and I try not to use timeouts like that. We don’t want our children to feel alone, we do not want to shame them, and we do not want to give them time to let anger grow in them. Anger can do so much damaged when one does not know how to use it and children I do not believe can think critically enough, their brains not fully develop, to understand their anger and use it to be helpful.
The timeout I need though is one a step away from social media, not all together away, just some distance. I have found that I have had little patience for certain things. I have found that my own pain condition has made it hard to be clear minded. I feel grumpy. So when I read so many things that seem so selfish to me on social media, I snap back, I post things that I believe to be right. I feel like I need to make space in my social media areas to be who I am, and post what I think, but on my personal wall those things have been snarky, they have been less about what I believe and more a reaction to what others have posted. I keep thinking if I read one more “Reason for the season” from someone promoting their own belief and putting others down I am going to scream. It seems so selfish and so closed minded and so many of those people have no understanding of history and how so many of the traditions they follow are so much older than their religion even. They push their religion on others and I feel like I have to push back, and make space.
I am not feeling like I have that space, or maybe the truth is the space I made, is just so negative I do not see myself in that space anymore.
I do not feel like myself.
So I need a timeout of sorts. Years ago I was able to get some training in NVC. Non-violent communication. It helped me feel like myself as it helped me change my thinking. I went to classes, and I was in a group for NVC and learned so much about others and myself. It was a safe space and I learned how much self blame I had. I spent too long thinking about how others would judge me. Blame is tragic and rather useless. Like an Angry child in a corner, it doesn’t help, and it can grow and eat ones soul so to speak.
There is power in language.
There is such power in language, when we change the language we use, we can change our thinking and if we change out thinking, we can change everything. While I was trying to make space for myself on my facebook wall, I was not filling that space with who I am but rather negative thinking. It was not helpful, not to anyone. It didn’t meet the need. I am thankfully that I see that what I was trying didn’t work and have the time and space to see how I can change this.
I don’t have it all figured out, but I see the issue. I am glad to be able to put myself in timeout of sorts to gift myself some empathy and go back to working on NVC.
