I wish I knew what to say when someone I care about looses a loved one. I don’t. I worry I will say the wrong thing, that I will make it worse. Not saying anything though seems wrong.
My grandfather taught me that kind words cost nothing and they make us rich if we use them. I feel so much that it is a kindness to myself to voice them, so this has not ever really been a problem for me. Not stumbling though, not saying the wrong thing, this is a worry. I calm myself, let the emotions move like a small stream in me, and then quietly give them voice.
A few days ago I learned a community member lost her mother. I had been trying for a while to connect with her over a homeschool matter and I myself dropped the ball a few time due to illness. When she let me know she had been out of town and why I instantly thought of her farm, her life, how she inspires my family, and what a good example she sets for us all. I thought about what it must be like for such a strong women to lose such an important person. I told the truth, that I didn’t know what it was like to lose a mother, but I know loss and I know that when a loved one dies, the world changes and it is almost like no one else has noticed but that it is all you can do but notice it. She shared with me her experience with this and my heart hurts badly for her. I reminded her to be kind to herself knowing that such strong women often over look themselves.
Her reply came this morning and it made me eyes well up. “Thank You, you are better than family.” How could this be true? It reminded me of something I saw online the other day.
I am shocked someone like her feels like that. In a dark moment things can feel jaded and maybe that is what it was. Maybe that is my wishful thing.
One thing I know for sure, our world needs more kind words, not less. We need to teach out children it is ok to care about others and that taking care of our loved ones is not optional.
