My dear wonderful son is 5.5 and so very smart. He is such a joy. He is perfect. He also dreams of dresses. He let me know this when he let me know he would be wearing dresses for a day, and then 4 days. He also requested everyone call him Jane. A name that can be for a boy or a girl! Wonder husband and I do love the show firefly. If you watch this show, you might see how funny the name is to us. Our son though does not know this connection. We agree to go along with the pretend play. He chooses what he wears within reason. (I insist on socks in sneakers!)
Do he was climbing to get a bed time book and I snapped a few photos of the sleep gown he had picked out. It makes me smile seeing him so happy.
Toby is Toby. Yes he likes many of the things some in our society think of as girly. I could list them but that is not the point. Many can share their own stories of little boys or girls enjoying things that maybe are not common. But maybe they are?
The issue however is NOT what they like but how others make them feel about it. A while back he took his older sisters nail polish, hid in another room and painted them pink and perfect. He was embarrassed and this is what bothered me. He said he thought I would say no… why? Because he is a boy. I let him know he can paint his nails but he cant take things without asking and he can pick out his own if he wants. I am trying to figure out where he gets this shame from. His older sister does pick on him a bit when he put on her sparkle shoes, asks for pink everything, and we try and let her know it is not an issue and to be happy for him making choices for himself just as we are happy when she makes choices that make her happy with herself. It is hard going though and we do not even public school so I can only picture how this might play out in other homes.
My husband is kind and thinks our son might light these things because he has all sisters. We don’t want to label him, will not do so. He is who he is and he is amazing, and looks good in pink unlike Mommy!
My little boy dreams of dresses and as a parent I want to help his dreams come true. I also want to protect him from the hard things and I just keep wishing the world would stop labeling one another and just be happy for each other. I am not perfect in this way, but I am trying to use non-judgement. I hope I manage to do better for my children. Bring on the dresses for Jane.
(P.S. I am trying to talk him into a hair cut this summer though, it is just so so hot here and it is so thick and he can’t put it up like his sisters.)
Toby sure is getting big! Miss you guys!
Janice
He and Aiden sure are two peas in a pod. 😉 I hate that I am having to second guess everything about public schooling- are those shorts too girly? Should I have him call me Mom now so he doesn’t get teased? On and on. We try to protect them- because really, it IS silly to define children by strict gender roles at such a young age- they will do that well enough on their own once they reach puberty. And then it will be THEIR choice and we will have given them that empowerment by allowing them to make those kinds of decisions. I know so many people criticize the parents who kept their child’s gender a secret… I wouldn’t personally do it, but I totally understand the why of it!