The following article was written and sent in by Anna Hicks.
Every parent’s fear is finding out their teenager is abusing drugs. It can cause several negative emotions and thoughts to flood your mind all at once. You may feel like you failed your child. You may be angry with the child for falling into that trap, especially if you’d taught them to avoid drugs. You may be angry with yourself for not noticing things sooner.
All of these negative emotions can cause you to react negatively. That is the last thing you want to do. You may wind up doing even more damage. The key is to take positive steps to reassure your child that you love them and support them. Encouraging them to get help will be much better than forcing them.
Lovingly Reassuring Your Child
Psych Central has the perfect approach to helping your child through this difficult period positively. The first step? Love them.
Your child is already beating himself up enough. He is berating himself constantly. He feels guilty. He’s probably disappointed in himself, angry and upset. The last thing you want to do is add to that by yelling or screaming.
Instead, show them love and affection. Hug them, even if they don’t want you to. Let them know it will be OK, and you’ll get through this together. Don’t just do this once. Do it every day. Your child needs to know that you’re still in their corner, even though they made a mistake.
Talking
The hardest thing you’re going to have to do is to get him to open up about his drug abuse. He’ll find it embarrassing, and he won’t want to talk about it. He may be afraid of your reaction. That’s why it’s good to lay a few ground rules down first.
Agree that you are just going to talk. You are not going to yell or scream, no matter what he says. Then stick to that promise. If you find yourself getting angry or feeling overwhelmed, calmly tell him that you can revisit this when you are both in a better mood. Take at least a day to calm down, then come back to it.
When your child talks, don’t cut him off. Listen to him. Understand that the nasty things your child says aren’t necessarily true, but don’t belittle his feelings. Acknowledge them and seek to understand them. You may have to read between the lines, so listen carefully and ask a lot of questions. Don’t be accusing, don’t throw things in his face, and don’t bring up past mistakes. You need to remain positive.
It Takes a Village
Get your extended family involved. Your child will respond better to positive reinforcement coming from all sides. Let them know that he needs to hear about his good qualities, and not how he messed up. Reminding him of his mistakes isn’t going to help anything.
Plan family activities together that you know your child is going to like. Get him involved in positive activities, like sports, art, music and board games. He needs to realize that no one hates him for what he did, and everyone is in his corner.
Getting Help
You may want to take your child to get professional help. They’ll likely reject the idea, but it may be necessary. How do you get them to go without threatening them or forcing them?
Your child has to be involved in the decision to get help. You cannot force him. If you want him to get help, suggest it. If he denies the opportunity, have someone he trusts try to talk to him about it.
If he agrees, look for a substance abuse counselor together. It’s important that your child feel he has some measure of control in this situation. If possible, allow him to pick out a counselor that he is comfortable with.
Have a realistic view of counseling. It’s not going to work by itself. There will be changes that both you and your child will need to implement in order for both of you to get past this. By staying positive, you can get through this difficult period without regrets.
