I have had a hard time blogging with my normal joy and appreciation for the beauty and wonder in life as of late. You might have seen the wonderful giveaway for a canvas I have going on. It arrived just a few days before some very hard news found it’s way to my family. Someone I had put a photo of in that collage is now in hospice care and not long for this world. They are someone dear to me, a connection that is special and not many have. While my heart breaks for that person, it is unimaginable that their young children whom I love dearly will be without them soon. It has shaken me in ways that have shocked me. I have to admit I have been rather useless sense. It is hard to focus. It is hard to accept.
I consider myself a logical child of reason, reality, and science. I don’t have religion to wrap myself in for comfort, though I am glad for those who do. This is the first big loss and the biggest tragedy in the lives of those I care deeply for since letting go the mythology I once believed. I find myself wishing I could go back, wishing I could believe what ever it is that would let me stop sobbing and function again. All I feel right now though is helpless and pathetic. My oldest child knows and is dealing better though is having her moments as well. The younger children do not know, they need not fully know right now. I just hope my state isn’t some how making their lives harder too. They just want me to feel better. I do too.
Life isn’t fair and I am just too stubborn to accept it I guess.
So for today I am sad. A reminder found it’s way to me today, a sit called “Here is Today” and it helps put things into perspective a bit. If your having a hard day, maybe take a minute to watch: http://hereistoday.com/
