As I write this, I am filled with concern and worry. News is breaking on CNN about a possible shooting at a Connecticut elementary school. They are not releasing students, they are on lock down. So far there is no other information being shared.
One of the first thoughts was “this is one of the reasons we homeschool.”
It is not said to make those who don’t homeschool feel badly, it is said as something comforting to wrap myself in. I could see how it could be taken badly though by someone who has their child in public school, they can’t find that same comfort and it might seem like a judgement that it was not intended to be.
It got me thinking about other tragic situation. Recently a 2 year old was killed in a mall parking lot. The mother posted the details about the event some time later and reading her words I couldn’t help but think she was being defensive, and I mentioned it. She confirmed it and said that people would say how sorry they are and then said something like “Thats why I…” as if the mother could have prevented the death.
Her family was getting out of the van, 4 children all standing close to it, the two year old holding on to Daddy and being good. A women turned too fast into the parking spot and hit the two year old and killed him instantly. The toddler did not dart in front of the driver the mother made very clear. It could have happened to anyone she said over and over. I thought then about what my husband had said when I had told him the tragic news of a family we don’t know but whom we share friends with. One of the first things he said was “Thats why I always carry our 2 year old into the building, she never gets on the ground in parking lots.” He didn’t say it as a judgement, he said it to make us feel better in the face of something so horrible. The fact is, our 5 year old and 7 year old and 13 year old don’t get carried into the store and what if the car had hit Dad instead while he had baby in arms? The fact is, it could have happened to anyone. It was an accident.
Saying “thats why I” though really hurts that mother even if it is isn’t meant to. I wish she knew that it is nothing to do with her and everything to do with the things we tell ourselves to bring some kind of comfort because deep down we all know the truth, that it could be any of us. At any given moment any of us could face a tragedy that we couldn’t have seen coming, that we couldn’t have logically prevented because there are simply too many things to consider in any given day. We do our best, that mother did her best, and some things are beyond our control. Her world was shattered and it was not her fault. I can’t even picture how her husband feels being right there. It was not his fault. How about the driver? I can’t even picture how she will live with herself. It is all so tragic and it could have been any of us.
So we say things to bring ourselves comfort and sometimes they hurt others even if we don’t mean them too. What brings me comfort might be insulting or hurtful to someone else. I can say I am guilty of this and am trying hard to do better. I am not perfect though and I am so thankful to those who forgive me my short comings.
We need to be thoughtful about what we say, what brings one comfort might be hurtful to others. It is maybe a good idea to talk to someone on their level with what they believe rather than focusing on just what we believe? Maybe… I could always be wrong.
Excellent post, friend. I completely agree. I think a lot of times people really respond in a callous way. Although I do admit that one of my first thoughts was “This is another reason we home school.” Unfortunately, when you let your children out of your care for the day, you lose control over what happens to them. And sometimes even when you’re watching them closely, bad things still happen. 🙁 How many of those parents today never thought twice about letting their kids go to school? How many of them shopped around until they found a “good” school? And how many of the children left behind are going to be emotionally scarred for life? It’s a bad day all around.