Everyone I know who has hired a doula for a birth has raved about the benefits. It is so common these days that I do not think I need to go into all the supportive things a doula does in a birth for the mother and baby. A new question though is now buzzing around the parenting world. Do fathers need a dudela?
A Urban Baby Ad is circulating around the internet sparking this question along with others such as, is this actually a real Ad?
A DUDELA? IS THAT LIKE A DOULA? Yes, think of a dudela as being a doula for the mother’s partner. Let’s face it, our plugged-in modern culture is always making us feel like we should be updating something or checking in somewhere. As a new father myself, I know how tempting it can be to check the Knicks score or respond to comments on Facebook. Let me worry about that kind of thing, and keep you updated on developments in an unobtrusive way. I am there to let you be with your partner so that you can enjoy every second of your child’s birth. What I offer: MOBILE DEVICE MANAGEMENT. We will meet before the due date to craft an announcement statement, which I will send via text message to contacts of your choosing within the first hour of your baby’s life. During labor and up to two hours after delivery, I will respond to all incoming texts and phone calls, taking messages when required. The battery life on all of your devices is safe in my hands. And what if she’s not feeling that Bjork playlist you made for her iPod? I’ll put on some Sam Cooke instead. SOCIAL NETWORK COORDINATION. Check you in at the hospital on FourSquare? Check. Update your Facebook status with baby’s first picture? I like. Tweet the birth announcement? #Yes FANTASY SPORTS ASSISTANCE. The world of sports will not stop for the birth of your baby. Don’t worry whether Curtis Granderson matches up well against David Price (he doesn’t) or if the 49ers defense can stop the run (they can). As a veteran of many fantasy leagues, familiar with both the ESPN and Yahoo! platforms, I will ensure your team doesn’t miss a beat, so you won’t miss a beat in the delivery room. CONCIERGE SERVICES. You’re going to want to get some celebratory cigars. Good thing I’ve been a subscriber to Cigar Aficionado for the last 10 years. (All of these services are also available as part of a Postpartum Package.)
A dudela it would seem would be like a birthing secretary of sorts, fetch your coffee, answer your calls and e-mails and texts so the father can focus on the birth. I wonder though, who would actually need that.
With my hospital births my husband I can tell you often found himself board with little to do. This does not mean he was not supportive because he really was, but there is a lot of waiting with birthing and anxiety sometimes as well and distractions can help. For couples who get an Epidural, the mother might well be sleeping for hours and Dad has to pass the time some way. So would he really need someone taking his phone and internet life?
But what if the birthing is fast, or at a birthing center or a home birth and Dad and Mom really do not want to be distracted, what are they to do? Shut. Off. The. Phones. Is it that hard that one can not let go of the rest of the world for enough time to support ones wife who is birthing your offspring? Did your husband not have enough self control and common sense to know when to use his phone and when to support you? Maybe my wonder husband is just that amazing, really though I think stereo type of men being useless in birth one society made a long time ago, not one that is valid today. But in a society that teaches fear of birthing to mothers, is it any shock that it also teaches men they have little place in helping?
So do I think a husband needs a Dudela, no. In fact I think doulas are trained to support husbands as well and will go get coffee and will screen calls and reply to e-mails if you ask them. They support the family, not just the mother.
In the end, I think we need to give our Fathers more credit, they can unplug for a few hours or days even to focus on something so amazing. They don’t need some dude updating them about sports scores while their wife is in labor… IMHO. I could always be wrong, and your millage may vary. (Maybe Mom wants those scores too, in that case they can look for them on cell phones together don’t you think?)
In the end, my opinion doesn’t matter. Do what works for you! My husband however, has no interest in a dudela, thankfully!
Did your husband need a doula too?
