Most of my readers are mothers, and I think we all know how we got pregnant right? Let talk though about how life is now after baby. Having a bedroom life after bringing home baby is known for it’s issues. Little sleep, dealing with a new body, focusing on the needs of baby and the home, a libido that may not be what it once was can make things hard. Being a Crunchy Mommy though just seems to add to this! Co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, night time parenting, and natural family planning that might be very hard to chart after having baby. Suddenly Mommys Bedroom life is complicated, maybe none existent even.
Many Mothers will simply let it go thinking that it is not as important as other parts of her family life. I admit I thought this for a while. My husband and I would abstain in order to not worry about getting pregnant after baby. I thought this showed honorable restraint and how strong our relationship was to do well during those bedroom desert times. Something started to slip though….
While talking with friends about this topic, that seems to come up in the best mothering groups, a friend told us how important she thinks sex in marriage is. I was taken back by her statement knowing she had as many children as I do, a military wife as well, but she was very Christian. I thought she would support my choice to abstain, and I could not have been further from the truth. She went on to explain how tied a husband and wife are physically and how beyond her religion that says this as well, she finds it to be true. Experiences where shared and suddenly I realized that while my husband and I had at the time a great relationship, it has fallen more into the best friend category and I was not looking at him like I once had. I had put attraction out of my mind and by doing this I had lost one of the pure joys of being married, desire and being desired. So after talking to my husband we decided to try things differently because maybe, just maybe caring for Mommy’s bedroom life was important, both to her well being and to her marriage.
It wasn’t easy though, my libido was down, DH worried about me being overly tired, and his desire I think was tanked as well having been self forced to put it aside and focus on other things for so long. What to do? Asking this in said mothering groups, the topic of sexy things came up…. interesting. But did I need such things? Would they even help? Thankfully there are sites like EdenFantasys to help. Careful clicking on Links! Remember this post is about Mommy’s Bedroom Time, not for children, and not for work!
Goodness did I blush looking over sites. I am a military wife, it is not like I had not been invited and gone to parties for such items. Military wives have to take care of them selves for the months our husband are away. I blushed through those parties too, again being ok with abstaining thinking it some kind of honorable. I now believe I was wrong. Science says that Mommy having a healthy bedroom life leads to hormone releases that can relieve stress. What mother, what military wife can use that help? About all of us I would think. So bravely I asked my husband to look for things for us to try too in a online adult shop. You think he would jump at the chance but it was not as easy as that to jump in. Once we got going though, telling each other not to filter and no judgments of self or one another we both had long wishlists. You might interested to know toys are not all EdenFantasys has though, they really cater to my softer side with body care items and candles. Being brave enough to write about this topic has me looking at what might be a fun icebreaker for the mood again as EdenFantasys loves supporting Mothers, and bloggers and I get a $50 gift card!
So what happened after my husband and I choose to focus more on caring for Mommy’s bedroom life? A lot. It took a while honestly, like relearning each other. Soon though we both where remarking how we felt like ourselves again. I would see him in the kitchen just making coffee and my desire was there again and it would make me smile. I saw the light in his eyes again when he looked at me. I might not be thrilled with my body but he does not seem to have any issues at all. We have been married for near 14 years and while we are older we don’t have to feel like it in the bedroom. Caring for Mommy’s Bedroom Life is as important as that friend said it was and I just couldn’t see it at the time because it was like we had been at the bottom of a cannon hardly able to see the sun. Fill the cannon with the physical love we do need as parents and we are out of it now.
My advice is the advice my friend shared, do what you have to in order to bring physical love to the bedroom again! It is worth it!
Couldn’t agree more.