Do you think other parents make parenting choices just to make you feel badly about your own?
Tonight on a message board I am a part of a good Mom posted an odd question. She said that she doesn’t understand why some parents will not buy character clothing and toys for their kids and when ever she asks they the only answer she gets is “Because I don’t like them” and said that it seems like yet another way some parents are making other parents feel bad. She then shared she didn’t understand why some parents have issues with plastics and that she thinks it is the same thing…. parents making choices just so they can make other parents feel bad about different choices.
As both these parenting choices are choices some consider crunchy I thought I would share my reply to her here.
I wouldn’t assume it has anything to do with someone wanting to look like a better mother or not maybe though because I have friends who do not get into characters for their kids and have explained why. One of the reasons I believe is because of the commercialization of childhood, they are simply sick of their kids being marketed to and they want to raise their children to not fall for the marketing. While I am not one of those parents I can certainly understand their stance. It has nothing to do with me, it is about them and their kids. Another reason some go Character free is that they don’t like how a certain company has taken and twisted old fairy tales into stories that look nothing like their originals. Some have theological or feminist reasons to not support some of the movies and characters. Again, it is what they believe, unless they are trying to take my daughters Cinderella costumes from them this year I highly doubt it has anything to do with me or my family but rather their believes. I guess I think that assuming a parents chooses to go character free just to say they are a better parent is like assuming someone picks a certain religion so they can say they are a better person. I really wouldn’t worry about them unless your shopping for them and even then it shouldn’t really be an issue if you just ask them about what their child would like!
In response to plastic choices:
As for plastic… have you seen the recalls? How long did it take to get companies to go BPA free? Other countries have stricter guidelines for plastic safety than our country does. Add to that situation the fact that cheap plastic toys don’t tend to last long, tend to break in a season, and are filling landfills with broken crappy toys that will out live my great grand kids before even starting to biodegrade and your right, I just don’t like them. I am not saying we don’t have any. We do, more than I would like actually. We try to be smart about our plastic purchases and we have long given up trying to explain this all to people who gift to the kids because lets face it…. many people who give gifts buy things THEY would have liked as a kid, not actually what the child likes. Gifting so often is really about the gifting person and god forbid their gift isn’t found in the house 3 months after a holiday! LOL So as I said, we have given up when it comes to gifts, we just try to deal till such things break and of course they do so the wait isn’t too long. As long as the toy is not on a recall list I deal with it.
It isn’t about other parents or feeling like a better parent.
It is about my home and my kids and trying not to leave such a horrible earthly foot print behind, we already have a large one because of our large family. We are trying to teach the kids to care about the planet and again it has nothing to do with anyone else. Other kids have a room full of plastic it isn’t because they or their parents don’t care, chances are it isn’t something they have even considered and that isn’t a fault on their part. Just different choices and situations. We can’t take up every cause out their, there is not enough time for that, so we pick our battles. Some go with organic or vegan food, some try earth friendly, some focus on service to others, and so on. Unless someone tries to degrade you for your plastic shopping, I wouldn’t assume they think your a lesser parent. Course you might know some ass hats and sadly they come in every type! Your a great parent though and life is too short to assume others are making choices to parent their kids certain ways just to make others feel like lesser people. Your a mom, you know…
Who has time for that? LOL
There were some other great replies such as how many families find character clothing to be made cheaply made and how one Mom doesn’t feel the need to make her little kids like the things she does so she is waiting till they get a bit older to pick what things they do like. She also mentioned how her family doesn’t support violence and she finds some kids characters to not fit in with her families beliefs. All valid reasons much more interesting than “I just don’t like them” and nothing to do with making other parents feel badly.
I personally don’t buy my kids a bunch of character clothing because it seems like they are more expensive. I am fairly frugal especially when my kids are young and constantly outgrow their clothes. I tend to buy cheap clothes or find hand me downs. I think everyone has their own weaknesses and differences on raising our children. Is the choice wrong? I personally don’t think so as long as the kids are happy and taken care of.
I can’t argue with that point of view at all! I personally spend a bit on fancy handmade dresses because I love helping small businesses and because I love the styles. I also tend to spend a bit on quality clothing from Hanna Anderson (on sale! LOL) and such for my younger girls as the sizes fit for a few years and they make great hand me downs unlike most clothing. I never expect character clothing to last as they are cheaply made. Like you said, as long as the kids are happy and taken care of that is what matters! I certainly don’t spend money on hand made clothing to make other parents feel badly, it isn’t about them or being better than anyone, it is about me.
I personally no longer buy character clothing for very practical lifestyle reasons and I have been judged by some as dressing my kids too grown up without actually understanding our medical reasons as to why I do it because may ppl are very ignorant instead of minding their own business. I am 41 years old I have 5 children from ages 23 down to 5. Two from a previous relationship & 3 with a current partner. Now our younger 3 who are 13, 9 & 5 have ADHD with sensory & processing issues so patterns cause them a sensory overload because their brains have to work harder to process the information Patterns form so long periods of exposure to them can cause headaches. Also character daily clothing, bags & shoes causes them to get distracted so we’ve had hospital trips when they have lost focus when spotting their favourite characters. We stick to plan bright clothing because while adding colour the kids find their clothes boring so it cuts out the distractions ADHD causes that a lot of ppl don’t recognize even parents with kids with ADHD so see it at time until you sit back and really observe your children’s ADHD triggers. We do buy dressing up outfits and family buy character toys for kids that go away in boxes when finished because out of site out of mind works for our kids. I’ve had nasty comments and lovely ones about how well dressed our children are but realistically clothes are just clothes if it fits or budget and is practical for your life what is the problem with buying it or not buying it? Does it really matter?
I personally don’t buy my kids a bunch of character clothing because it seems like they are more expensive. I am fairly frugal especially when my kids are young and constantly outgrow their clothes. I tend to buy cheap clothes or find hand me downs. I think everyone has their own weaknesses and differences on raising our children. Is the choice wrong? I personally don’t think so as long as the kids are happy and taken care of.
I can’t argue with that point of view at all! I personally spend a bit on fancy handmade dresses because I love helping small businesses and because I love the styles. I also tend to spend a bit on quality clothing from Hanna Anderson (on sale! LOL) and such for my younger girls as the sizes fit for a few years and they make great hand me downs unlike most clothing. I never expect character clothing to last as they are cheaply made. Like you said, as long as the kids are happy and taken care of that is what matters! I certainly don’t spend money on hand made clothing to make other parents feel badly, it isn’t about them or being better than anyone, it is about me.
I personally no longer buy character clothing for very practical lifestyle reasons and I have been judged by some as dressing my kids too grown up without actually understanding our medical reasons as to why I do it because may ppl are very ignorant instead of minding their own business. I am 41 years old I have 5 children from ages 23 down to 5. Two from a previous relationship & 3 with a current partner. Now our younger 3 who are 13, 9 & 5 have ADHD with sensory & processing issues so patterns cause them a sensory overload because their brains have to work harder to process the information Patterns form so long periods of exposure to them can cause headaches. Also character daily clothing, bags & shoes causes them to get distracted so we’ve had hospital trips when they have lost focus when spotting their favourite characters. We stick to plan bright clothing because while adding colour the kids find their clothes boring so it cuts out the distractions ADHD causes that a lot of ppl don’t recognize even parents with kids with ADHD so see it at time until you sit back and really observe your children’s ADHD triggers. We do buy dressing up outfits and family buy character toys for kids that go away in boxes when finished because out of site out of mind works for our kids. I’ve had nasty comments and lovely ones about how well dressed our children are but realistically clothes are just clothes if it fits or budget and is practical for your life what is the problem with buying it or not buying it? Does it really matter?