While I love my little crunchy parenting blog, we are also a military family and I am an Army wife. For 14 years now I have followed my husband around the country, more moves than fingers can count. More trips away than a hand, but thankfully only 2 deployments into war zones, one 6 months and another 15 months.
Right now is another time away, more training out west, and only for a few weeks. It has been a while though since he went away and I think I am out of practice. I would love to tell new military wives that it gets easier, but it hasn’t for me. I will say that after the first 3 weeks or so a new normal is commonly found and it gets to be more livable or maybe one just runs out of tears and the natural instinct to protect oneself from the sorrow sets in and things are ok.
I have to say the last time my husband went away, baby was 2 months old, with three other children, homeschooling, and sick and it never did get ok, for 2 months things where just falling apart. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. Memories of it linger and have had me worried. Can I handle him away again with being sick and having sick children?
Over a week now and things are ok. I think having contact daily helps, unlike last time. I think knowing it is just a few weeks helps too. Still it is hard. Though at least I have not been a puddle of tears.
Except for one morning….
A few mornings ago I woke up with a dream I could not sake. I woke up in tears, I had been crying in my sleep. The feeling of loss, the sorrow so deep is choked me up, stayed with me for hours. I had dreamed that my husband had been shot while at training by someone. I had dreamed that I had gotten that knock at the door. I hate dreams like that. I would imagine anyone would hate them. Waking up though crying and confused, it felt real for a second. I had to reaffirm it was just a dream and while I was up and going about the day when my husband called that afternoon I felt a weight lifted I did not know I still had on me from that morning.
I am so lucky to have married my best friend, and to still be so in love all these years later. Maybe the time apart helps remind us what we have together. I can’t wait though till time apart like this is a thing of the past.
I think we need and deserve some time alone together soon. Maybe another night at a B&B or maybe a cruise in Alaska! We have talked about going on a trip alone for years but with small children it never seems to be the right time. Honestly neither of us enjoys being away from them for more than a few hours. We are an attached family. Not to mention on vacations we normally travel to see family and spend time with them. I can’t remember a vacation when we just went away some place not to see someone. Maybe we need to leave the littles with family and go off some place romantic?
I hope when I get to sleep tonight (it is 3am now) that I get to dream about beautiful cold water and whales gliding gracefully between ice. Or maybe I will dream of an adventure like a Galapagos cruise! Not really interest in scuba diving but I love cuddling with my husband in the cold but I also love adventures with him in great weather and places we have never been. We tend to take more risks and be more free with our choices when we are not with the children. Risks like being ok getting lost, and just driving or walking around to see the sites or not having everything planned out. With kids, we like everything planned out! For a vacation though I think surprises would be nice, just us.
I am really lucky to have the life I have. It is all I could have dreamed it to be as a girl. I can’t say I love the military part but my husband does and I support him. He says he would stay in past 20 years if only they would not send him away. Just 6 more years and all this time away will be alike a bad dream.
Our happily ever after can start then I think!
Sleep Sweet
